I Don't Want To Cry
by Jade W
Summary: Kleenex Warning: Fic contains death/suicide, and shonen-ai/lime


I Don't Want To Cry  
by [Jade Watersilk][1]  
  
**********  
  
Warning: Shonen-ai, death/suicide, lime  
  
**********  
  


_"I just wanted you, Just wanna try  
Don't wanna lose you, Don't wanna cry  
Hope you make good my love and of my life  
You just believe in me, I'm gonna die for you"  
~ RomanticMode_  
  
Heero cried out as Duo dove deeper into him. He grabbed the blankets so hard that his knuckles turned white. Sobbing with pleasure, he moaned his lovers' name; "Duo . . ."  
  
The braided boy leaned forward and brushed Heero's sweaty hair out of his eyes. Ad he caressed the dark unruly hair, he inhaled deeply; savoring the smell of Heero. "Yes . . ."  
  
The Wing Pilot squeezed his blue eyes shut. "I love you." He whispered in a sincere voice, maneuvering to delicately kiss Duo on the lips.  
  
"I know." Duo simply replied. Deepening the kiss, he reflected on how hard it must have been for Heero to say those three simple words. The Wing pilot had been trained to be an emotionless soldier, so braking down the barriers that surrounded his heart was not an easy task.  
  
Yet Duo had won over the boy's training, and worked himself deep into his heart. He knew that Heero would be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, so he gently rubbed the boy's shoulder and spoke in his ear, "Now you have to trust me."  
  
Heero 's eyes shot open and he looked directly into Duo's violet eyes. As he gazed into the azure depths, what he found was love, trust, and . . . fear? He looked questioningly at Duo, a silent question played on his open lips.  
  
"Don't leave me," Duo breathed in response to Heero's silent question.  
  
Heero's eyes became blue pools of love and trust, and he accepted the braided pilot into his arms. He held on tightly, nuzzling his face into the velvet soft skin. Sighing, he kissed Duo on the neck, and held on tighter to say that he would never leave his love.  
  


**********  


  
Duo rolled over in the bed and shoved his head under the pillow it was lying on. Mumbling tiredly, he tried to go back to sleep. After about 15 minutes of failure, he lifted the pillow off his face and scowled at Heero.  
  
The Wing pilot was sitting at his desk, typing on that damned laptop. It was the clacking of keys that had woken the braided pilot up. Sitting up on his elbows, he threw his pillow at Heero's head. His aim had been nothing short of perfection, and the pillow collided with the back of Heero's head.  
  
Slowly turning around in his chair, Heero looked at Duo. "Good to see you're up," He simply said.  
  
"Yeah," Duo muttered. "Thanks to you and that stupid computer. You spend more time playing with that thing then you do with me."  
  
A dark eyebrow was raised, and Heero rose from the chair. He crossed the room and sat down on the bed, beside Duo. "Oh really?"  
  
Leaning forward, he placed his lips against Duo's, gently teasing them with his tongue. Duo opened his mouth and gladly allowed Heero's tongue to enter and explore. Smiling, the Deathscythe pilot caressed the other's tongue with his own.  
  
The deep kiss continued until Heero broke it off. Gazing at his lover, he lifted Duo's hand to his mouth and gently kissed his palm. This seemed to appease Duo's anger.  
  
Duo laid back on the bed. "I'm still mad, you know?"  
  
Heero smirked. "That doesn't matter. We have a new mission."  
  
"Good." Duo stretched and rolled off the bed. Standing up, he proceeded to get dressed. "I was beginning to get bored. What's the job this time?"  
  
"A Leo factory. It should be fairly routine."  
  
Duo's mouth quirked up in a cynical smile. "Isn't it funny how our normal routine consists of us going out, destroying Mobile Suits, and killing people." His violet eyes darkened.  
  
"We do what we can to survive and continue living." Heero said simply, in a gentle voice.  
  
Duo looked at him, eyes filled with aching and pain. "But is this really living? Is it really?"  
  
Heero strode over to where Duo stood. Hesitating only a moment, he embraced his lover and gently stroked his long hair. "It is when I'm with you."  
  


**********  


  
Everything had started off normal enough. Blow up a bunker here, destroy some Leo's there . . . But then it went to hell and back when around 200 Mobile Dolls arrived on the scene.  
  
Heero sighed and lifted his gun to his face. Good. There were still bullet's in it. His entire mind was shrouded in a thick veil of have and pain.  
  
He had barely escaped with his life. The Mobile Dolls had surrounded Wing Gundam, and were causing heavy damage. Warning lights and emergency alarms were blaring throughout the cockpit. The entire suit had shaken with each blow.  
  
"Heero . . ." a voice came in over the crackling radio. "Shit man, this isn't good."  
  
"Duo! Why are you still here? Get away while you still can!" Heero began working Wing's controls with renewed vigor. His new onslaught broke through the line of Mobile Dolls as he had frantically searched for the Deathscythe.  
  
"I can't leave, not without you." Came the panicky voice. Heero had cursed that bastard. He was panicking and that meant that he would be getting sloppy. If he was sloppy . . . he would be dead.  
  
Wing flew left and right through the chaos, but it wasn't long until he found his quarry. The Deathscythe was damaged beyond Heero's belief: Most of the circuitry was exposed, it was missing both arms, and the legs were damaged. Yet it continued to fight, using up it's rapidly depleting supply of ammunition.  
  
Racing to the Mortally wounded Gundam, Heero grabbed it and sped away. "You moron!" Heero yelled into his comm. "You should have left long ago." The image of Duo shrugged. He had opened his mouth to reply when Wing was rocked with a missile impacting.  
  
Heero's restraints snapped and he was flung onto his display. As conscienceless left him, he watched the Deathscythe fall away from him and explode.  
  
When he had woken again, he was in a bed. Instinctively he reached over to his side, but he found no body; no warmth; no Duo.  
  
Remembering what had happened, he sat up straight and covered his mouth to keep from crying out. However, he could not stop the tears that welled up in his eyes and streamed down his cheeks.  
  
"You're awake," a soft voice spoke. It was Quatre. "You know, you're lucky to be alive. "His voice had a slight quiver, and his eyes were red and puffy.  
  
"Where's Duo?" Heero asked, turning away from the Arabian boy. When he heard no reply, he asked again. "Where is Duo?"  
  
"You're really lucky. We almost didn't find you in time . . ."  
  
Heero whipped his head around and yelled at Quatre. "WHERE IS DUO?!"  
  
Quatre froze and the two stared at eachother for what seemed like an eternity. Quatre looked away and spoke in a voice that was so quiet that Heero could barely hear him. You he knew what every terrible word was, and the meaning behind them. "He's dead."  
  
The force of those words hit the Wing pilot with more force then his beam cannon. Everything around him went dull, and muted. He could hear Quatre talking about how they had dragged the two damaged suits away from the battle field and how terribly sorry that everyone was for his loss. But to Heero, the words seemed hollow and empty.  
  
It was now a week after Duo's death. Heero was locked in the bathroom and sitting on the ground, leaning against the bathtub. The three remaining pilots were outside, pounding on the door and calling his name.  
  
Physical pain he could deal with. Hell, he even enjoyed it. It always brought him a strange kind of satisfaction that he was in control of his life and everything was real. But he felt that all of his insides had been ripped up and thrown into the wind. He had recently found, accepted, and embraced his feelings, but now they were gone.  
  
Gazing at the gun that lay in his lap, he attempted a smile. "I promised that I would never leave you. I'm coming to you. Wait for me . . ."  
  
OWARI  
  


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Author's notes: Ack, I killed them! How could I do such a thing to my poor Duo-chan? Well, you still have to admit that it was sad. I've been writing so many fluffy and happy fics that I decided to try to write something sad. Did it work? Are tears streaming down your face? Do you have any comments, suggestions, flames? If so, send them to me because I love to read e-mail.  
  


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Disclaimers: I don't own Heero, or Duo ,or any of the other Gundam Boys (although I'd like to). I don't own the Gundam Universe or any of it's affiliates. I'm just an author who is borrowing Shin Kidousenki's ideas. Thank you Shin!  
  


   [1]: mailto:jades_falcon@dragonslave.com



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